question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
