Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
