Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
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you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
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Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
that may or may not have been my penis.
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