first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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