i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
