no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
