farters have to be the big spoon...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
