lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My penis needs a shock collar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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