Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
