I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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