Just mADE A PArabola og urine
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
