Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
