You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
