You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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