yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
