I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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