If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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