Just fell off a train. Bad.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
