It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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