I wish I could teleport
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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