i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
