Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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