So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
