I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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