I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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