he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
