Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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