its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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