Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
