I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
