He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
