I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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