i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
