Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
