How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
