does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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