Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
