We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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