just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Rumble strips road head = magical
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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