just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
