I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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