I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Randomize
