i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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