My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
