he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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