The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize