Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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