i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
