Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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