Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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