Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
