Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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