Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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