It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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