ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
