mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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