can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
