my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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