Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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