I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
