How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
