I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
