Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
