the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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