I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize